


an awful lot of pain (the other half of your soul)

by ChirpBird



Series: how many bruises must i bear (and its all in the name of love) [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, So much angst, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, Unhealthy Relationships, Unhealthy Soulmate Relationships, and tries to sound smart, author doesn't know things, ree why did you write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29014581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChirpBird/pseuds/ChirpBird
Summary: In a world where you feel everything your soulmate does to another, there is an awful lot of pain.
Relationships: OC/OC, OFC/OMC
Series: how many bruises must i bear (and its all in the name of love) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128530
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	an awful lot of pain (the other half of your soul)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, trigger warning, there is a fair bit of violence in here. Also, there is abuse, and an abusive relationship in this fic.

Meena is three when the first bruise appears on her skin, stinging sharply as it mars her brown skin. She runs to her parents, crying uncontrollably. She frantically wails that she didn’t do anything – the bruise just appeared - splashes of violet across her pale brown skin like spatters of paint.

Her mother strokes her hair, smiling. “It’s okay, love. It’s okay. You’re okay. Darling, that bruise, right there, is a sign that there is someone out there who loves you very, very much. Someone perfect for you. The other half of your soul.” Her mother kisses her softly on the tender skin. Rina feels a burst of warmth in her heart, along with the lingering pain. _Someone that loves you very, very much._ She treasures the ache, crying when it finally fades away. It doesn’t take long for another to appear.

(It has only been a week by the time the tenth one blooms. A gift of plum-colored blossoms, from the other half of her soul.)

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is five when she first starts hating her soulmate. _(Darling, the bruises are a sign that there is somebody out there that loves you very, very much. Someone perfect for you. The other half of your soul.)_

It’s the night before her ballet recital – the one she’s worked _weeks_ for. She’s going to be dancing the lead role, which she totally beat Rina for, and she’s going to absolutely wow the audience and it’s going to be _perfect_. Her leg extensions are _so_ high. Miss Ivanovich couldn’t believe how quickly her flexibility had improved. She’s so excited, it takes her hours to fall asleep.

She awakens with a start, pain flaring from her back and arms. She doesn’t even need to look at them to know that hand shaped bruises are covering her body. She cries out to her parents, who rush to her room.

“It’s not fair!” she screams. She already knows that she will not dance today.

Miss Ivanovich used to talk about her time with a dance company, and how her soulmate used to massage his mother’s feet so that she could feel some relief when she was away from home. Miss Ivanovich stopped telling that story after she saw the bruises blooming on Meena’s skin.

Meena closes her eyes, brows scrunching up as tears prickle against her eyelids. Why couldn’t her soulmate be like that? Why could he not gift her comfort, instead of these ugly violet flowers?

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is six when she first starts hating herself.

It’s that idiot Rina, with her perfect split and her stupid upturned nose ( _No, she’s definitely_ not _jealous! Where did you get a ridiculous idea like that?_ ) who bets that Meena can’t do five fouettés in a row. Meena turns her chin up, scowls, and does six. Rina snickers, and crows, “Of course you can do it. Look at all those bruises—your parents have probably been beating ballet into you since you were born!”

Meena flinches, rage building inside of her. _How_ dare _she? Her parents have been the most supportive, always thinking for the best of their child. How_ dare _she even_ imply _that her parents are less than wonderful? It’s not her parent’s fault that they had a child who was perfect for a cruel soulmate. It’s not her parent’s fault that the one the universe decided was perfect for her was so free with their fists._

Meena doesn’t remember the feeling of her fist slamming into Rina’s nose, doesn’t remember the blood staining her fingertips. She doesn’t remember Miss Ivanovich dragging her away from Rina.

Here is what she does remember. She remembers Rina’s pain filled eyes, gazing up at her. She remembers Miss Ivanovich’s horrified gasp. She remembers the disappointment in her mother’s gaze. But most of all, she remembers the vindicative glee she got when she saw the blood dripping down Rina’s face, almost the same color as her hair, and the absolute shock rippling through her mind as she recognized the emotion. It is in that moment that she realizes what a monster she is, what a monster she has become.

Her soulmate is cruel, yes. They are free with their knuckles, yes. But aren’t they her other half—the one that completes her? If they are cruel, what is she? She isn’t sure she wants to know the answer.

The next day, Rina comes into class with a flower blooming across her nose. Meena cries.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is seven when she forgives her soulmate. (She doesn’t forgive herself.)

She’s on the school playground, when she sees an older boy slap a girl. What truly shocks her, is when the girl punches the boy in the stomach and runs away. Meena gasps. Hurting another hurts the other half of your soul. It’s the first thing they are taught as children. Why would someone ever do that? After all, the bruises under her high collared shirt are the reason she hates her soulmate.

It’s a week later that she finds out that the boy was harassing the girl. She had refused him, and so, he’d slapped her, and threatened to smash her skull in. Meena shuddered as she heard the story, in shock. It’s the first time she’s heard of such cruelty, and the first time she understands why someone would willingly cause pain on another. It’s the first time she thinks that maybe, her soulmate has a reason for lashing out.

She remembers when she used to treasure every orchid that was painted on her skin. Now, she thinks, she will mourn them. Someone must have hurt her soul very much, for them to hurt them this way.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is nine when her ankle snaps in her sleep. It’s a clean break, and she _screams,_ scaring her parents half to death. The physical pain is nothing to the thought of being unable to dance for weeks.

The doctors say she is lucky that she will dance again. The doctors say that future breaks may mean lasting damage.

Her parents start looking for ways to break soul bonds. She shouldn’t protest, she knows. Her soulmate is already threatening her future autonomy, but she can’t help but feel relieved when her parents find no way to safely snap her connection to the other half of her soul.

She receives a strongly worded letter from her uncle the next week.

**How _dare_ she try to break the connection to her soulmate? How _dare_ she believe that a little pain was worth losing the other half of her soul? How _dare_ she value comfort over the future happiness of her soul? **

Her parents snatch the letter from her and burn it before she gets to the second paragraph, but tears are already brimming in her eyes.

She can’t help but feel jealous of Rina’s soulmate, who hugs random people throughout the day, just to make her smile.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is eleven when the cuts start appearing. She’s in class, taking notes, when she feels a sharp sting in her back and hears gasps behind her.

“Teacher, teacher, she’s bleeding!”

The teacher rushes over, eyes widening as she sees the blood. He turns to Rina, with a forced calm smile. “Rina, why don’t you hand me that first aid kit?” Meena stiffens as she feels something pressed to what she guesses is an open wound. She feels slightly faint. Her mouth pinches. Her soulmate had _never_ done anything to threaten her _life_ before. She can’t help but feel fearful for whatever put her soulmate in such a position. She can’t help but feel wronged for her soul to hurt her in this way.

The nurse is called. She’s moved to a hospital. They give her something to make her fall asleep. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she got nine stitches. His eyes look sad as he sees the bruises covering her body.

She starts going to sleep with bandages beside her bed.

When she gets back to school, Rina hugs her. Meena can’t help but feel like that hug wasn’t meant for her at all; just a plea to Rina’s soulmate to never do the same. ( _It’s not like he would_ ever _do anything like that to her. They’re the kind of soulmates that send kisses to each other every morning._ )

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is fourteen when she feels phantom lips brush over her own. The thought of her soulmate (hers!) kissing another makes something bitter rise up. Don’t they know that she is waiting for them?

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is sixteen when she commits to a career in dance. She doesn’t tell her parents. As much as they love her, they’d never approve.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is eighteen when she tells Rina. On some level, Rina had known. Rina had seen the bruises peppering her arms, had seen the blood dripping down her back. On some level, Rina had always known.

When she stumbles into their apartment, a large iris blooming across her shoulder, Rina doesn’t bat an eye, just grabs an ice pack, and hands it to her. Meena sighs, hissing as she presses it to the tender skin. Her eyes screw shut.

Rina frowns. “It’s your soulmate, isn’t it?”

Meena cracks an eye open. She doesn’t even pretend to misunderstand, only nods tiredly.

Rina’s eyes widen impossibly. “Oh. _Meena_.” Rina slams into her, arms encircling her tightly. Meena gasps, as Rina’s arms press down on tender skin.

“Ah. R-Rina! Ow, ow, owww!”

“Oh my god, I am _so_ sorry!” The arms loosen around her, and Rina pulls away.

Meena looks down uncomfortably. “Didn’t say I wanted you to stop. Just. Be mindful of where your arms are.” And then, Rina’s octopus arms are around her again, and Meena allows herself to melt.

“It’s not that bad,” she murmurs. Her voice turns mechanical, words sounding rehearsed, “The bruises are a sign that there is someone out there who loves me very, very much.”

Rina sobs.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


Meena is twenty when she thinks that her soulmate is a cruel man. She’s with Rina and her boyfriend ( _soulmate_ ), Simon.

He’s telling her how they used to do sweet things to random strangers, just so that their other half would know how much they loved them. He’s looking at Rina as he talks, and it’s like she’s the sun, and he’s the moon and they’re both shining, but they only have eyes for each other.

Then, Simon glances at her and exclaims, “But I’m sure you and your soulmate do the same! Have you found out who they are yet?” and the image is shattered.

Meena freezes, thoughts flashing to the bruises lining her back. Rina stands, smiling nervously. “Um, Simon, love, would you like some tea?”

He looks confused, but nods. “Sure, darling.” And just like that, the topic is forgotten, its only remnant the constant trembling of Meena’s thin frame.

She’d always known that the constant pain wasn’t normal, always understood that bright anemones weren’t blooming under everyone’s sleeves. Maybe her soulmate _is_ a little cruel. Maybe he _is_ a little free with his fists. But, maybe, if such a cruel partner is perfect for her, maybe she _deserves_ this pain. Maybe, just maybe, this _pain_ is a form of _love_.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is twenty two when she decides that maybe, she doesn’t want such a cruel partner for herself (no matter how much of a perfect match the universe thinks he might be for her).

“Why?”

“I-I just-”

“Why did you tell him that I don’t have a soulmate?” If looks could kill, Meena’s glare would have killed Rina several times over.

She whirls, shoulders tight. Her voice is quietly furious. “Is it that I don’t deserve a soulmate? Do I- do I not _deserve_ someone who loves me? Do I not deserve what you and Simon have? Is that it, Rina?” A tear slides down her cheek, and she ignores it.

“Of-of course not, Meena I never--”

Meena’s voice raises. “After everything I’ve been through, do I not deserve to be loved? How many bruises must I bear? How many bruises must I bear until I am worthy of love?” She’s trembling now, breaths coming erratically. She continues, voice shaky. “How many bruises will it take? How-how much longer, do I have to-to take this? Why won’t it end? Rina, _please_. Make it end!”

She glances pleadingly up at Rina. Rina shakes her head helplessly, and a sob bursts forth from Meena’s throat. And then, Rina’s arms are wrapped around her, and they’re just how she remembers. Warm, secure, and it’s like they’re holding her together, as she breaks down.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is twenty three when she finally meets her soulmate.

Chris is different. And now, she realizes what Rina was talking about, when she said that you just _click_ , because they just connect, and it feels so _right_. He’s a medical student, and he’s so, so charming. He’s smart, funny, and so pretty. When she was young, and allowed herself to forget the bruises, Chris was the type of perfect soulmate she’d always dreamed of.

And, for a while, the bruises stopped. Meena stopped sleeping with bandages and pain relief pills by her bed. The dance teacher was in awe of how quickly she improved. No, she wasn’t taking illegal medications. No, there was no magical smoothie. It was amazing how much of a difference not being in constant pain made to her dancing.

For a while. And then, Chris started drinking, and her high collared shirts finally saw use again.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is twenty five when she realizes that the universe can make mistakes.

She’s flying back home, when she feels phantom lips press over her own. She freezes for a split second. The chocolates she’d bought for Chris are burning a hole in her purse. _No. Calm down. Maybe he’s just trying to send me a kiss. Maybe he’s not cheating._

She comes home to her belongings in a box, and a note on top.

  


**««««««««»»»»»»»»**

  


She is twenty six, when she falls in love. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> So, the ending is pretty open. I'm planning on writing more, but I don't know if, or when that might happen. Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated. If I completely screwed something up, please let me know!


End file.
